California recently voted against an initiative that would have forced companies with more than 50 employees to give them health insurance. Thank God this job killer didn’t pass. California’s economy has taken enough of a beating with the bursting of the dot com bubble and the endless flood of illegals streaming across our border.
This is going to sound crazy at first, but I think I have an incredible idea to solve two problems at once: slavery. Hear me out… think how great slavery was to the economy of the United States for 250 years. We wouldn’t be the country we are today if it weren’t for the free labor. The abolition of slavery was great for the black people but it sent the Southern economy down the crapper. So what did the Southern plantation owners come up with as a solution? Sharecropping. It was just like slavery only it wasn’t called slavery so it was okay.
We could do something like that now with the Mexicans. President Bush has said numerous times he believes the Mexicans are coming here to work. I think his guest worker plan is brilliant – at least we can keep tabs on them – but it doesn’t go quite far enough. What if they could come here and work in the strawberry fields for room and board. They’d be provided decent enough quarters… maybe like a big hotel where two families could share a room. It could hold hundreds of them… and that’s hundreds of would-be criminals off the street! They wouldn’t be actual property of the corporation that owns the strawberry field, but as long as they wanted to live on the land the corporations own, which happens to be the land the hotel is located on, they’d have to work for room and board and maybe a little spending money. The same corporation could own the “company store”, so they would get most of that spending money back. And by issuing credit, they would ensure the illegal has to stay and work to pay off his or her debt.
Any illegal caught by immigration authorities isn’t deported so they can turn around and come right back… they’re sent to one of these work hotels. That way only those Mexicans who really want to work will come here and those who are too lazy to work won’t come for fear they’ll be forced to work if they’re caught.
How would we force them to work? Naturally the socialist democrats in Congress would scream about human rights, so we’d have to pass laws that it’s illegal to whip the Mexicans. But then if there are only, say, three enforcement officers for the entire country, they’d never get around to inspect many plantations, would they? I think "attitude adjustment" might take on a whole new meaning!
See, it’s not actually slavery. But for all intents and purposes, it would be. The economic gains would be phenomenal. I’d be able to have strawberry shortcake after every meal, they’d be so cheap! And it would take out half the prison population so our tax dollars won’t have to support so many of them. And it’d be good for the Mexican too… life as a 21st century American slave’s life is still better than a Mexican peasant’s brutish existence.
I think we could get it past the democrats because the corporations would pressure them to pass it. I think it’d get past the Christian conservatives because the Bible completely approves of slavery. I think it’d get past the radical blacks because it’s not happening to black people. The only people who’d really make a stink would be the communist hippies and anti-war homosexual white left. But then again, half a million of them marched in front of the Republican convention and no one gave a rat’s ass, so they’re hardly a force to be reckoned with.
The only part of my overall vision I don’t see happening is federally funded sterilization and abortion on the plantations. There are enough of them flooding across the border without breeding more of them here. But the Catholics would probably have a fit about that one. We can’t have everything.
Of course I know my plan is completely and utterly never going to happen. I just thought I'd have a little fun taking the far right to one of its logical extremes.
Cheney in 2008!